3rd Sunday after Epiphany
To get started I want you to make a
list. Either mentally or on a piece of paper list all the people you
could go to in a time of trouble; you know those safe-havens people; the
few people you would want around to help you through a challenging,
difficult or traumatic time. Now strike off any names from work, who are
colleagues. Now strike off any names of immediate family members. Now
strike off anyone who is more than an hour away. How many names are left
on your list?
For most who do this exercise they struck by
the realization of how few people there are in their life – who are
outside of family and work and who are easily accessible – who they can
turn to in times of need. More and more sociologists, psychologists and
theological thinkers are pointing out that the way we have constructed
our common life, be it our economy – which requires a flexible and
moveable workforce; our work places – often contractual and independent;
our culture – which rewards self-sufficiency and autonomy; the places we
live – separate units in subdivisions with few walk-able community
places - has isolated us for each other, from community, from developing
relationships with a number of people who really knows us. Now I don’t
mean people who know the competent work façade or the good church-going
citizen front. I mean people who really know us for who we really are,
warts and all and who love us and who we can count on to be there when
we need them.
No wonder so many of us experience such
loneliness and no wonder so many of our families feel under duress. "We
now turn to lovers for what a whole village used to provide.", to quote
Sue Johnson a renown therapist, and author of the book Hold me Tight.
So I pose the question. Do you think we can be
on a spiritual journey and do it alone? Do we need others for a deeper
relationship with God? Can we have a thriving spiritual life all on our
own?
Well there is some compelling science and
theology that might help us with the answer.
Through science we are learning more and more
about how important human contact is for the individual. Children can
have all their physical needs met but if they do not have any human
contact they will not likely survive or they will be extremely
debilitated. Emotional neglect or isolation can prompt an almost primal
panic for attachment.
Along with this, we are learning that no matter
how emotionally or physically strong we are, no matter how much we
believe in self-determination, the threshold for tolerating stress is
significantly lower if there are not a few people they can reach out to,
to find comfort and support. In order to survive the emotional peaks of
life each one of us needs a few safe-haven relationships. And it is not
just our emotional wellness that is at stake. Studies have also shown
that without these safe-haven relationships there is a higher chance of
a stroke, heart-attach and other illnesses. So it is really clear, at
the biological level, we need each other.
Now theology. The name of our church here is
…Trinity. I doubt if many of us would or could confidently explain the
doctrine of the Trinity without straying into one heresy or another;
which is kind of embarrassing, when you think about it. A core central
doctrine of the church that none of us can sensibly talk about. So I am
going to help us all out here, on this one. If by some chance someone
comes up to you some day and says, "So you’re a Christian, and you go to
a church named Trinity, tell me what the Trinity means, explain it."
First thing to do, don’t panic, keep breathing. Just recline a little
and with an easy swagger, say, "It’s all about relationship." Then just
nod knowingly. Hey it’s gotten me out of a few potholes.
But seriously that really is the answer!
‘Relationship’ is really at the heart of the doctrine of the Trinity.
One God, three persons: Father, Son and Holy Spirit. Unity = Community.
With delight we were created by community to be raised in the community
for an eternal Community. The concept of the Trinity teaches us that
relationship, connection and intimacy are at the heart of God and at the
heart of our Christian faith story.
The next core doctrine of our faith is the
Incarnation; that the Son of God became human and dwelt amongst us.
Again, through this doctrine we understand God’s deepest desire is to
connect with humanity. So much so, he entered into our reality so that
we would get a glimpse of God’s divinity and begin to more clearly wrap
our head and hearts around just how much we are loved.
So spiritually, loneliness is the ultimate
horror of life. In fact, it is death.
So can we be on a spiritual journey alone?
Absolutely Not! Do we need others? An unmitigated, yes!
You do not necessarily have to be part of an
institutional community such as a church, synagogue or mosque but I
happen to believe being part of this institution is the best way to
deepen the spiritual life. But if you profess to be on a spiritual
journey and you are not part of a community that provides those
safe-haven relationships then you really are actually in a ditch. It is
impossible to grow and cope, all on our own.
There is a reason why Jesus said to us, "Where
two or three are gathered. There I will be in the midst of them."
Okay, so if community, connection and intimacy
are so important for our spiritual life and survival what are some of
the ditches we might fall into. In fact, since this is so fundament a
need and yearning it is not surprising there are numerous ways to find
yourself in the ditches as we try to live faithfully on this part of the
spiritual journey. And many of us have found ourselves in most of them.
Here are just a few.
1. We don’t let people
close because they annoy us. We believe that it is only through our own
talent and strength and will-power anything gets done. People are
inefficient and generally let us down. If you find yourself building
something that no one else seems to capable of assisting you with then
you are probably in a ditch as you are likely not building something God
is actively part of.
2. Sometimes we don’t
let people in because they don’t fit into our construct of reality. We
have built formulas so we can make sense of the world and when people
don’t fit or confirm they threaten our understanding and up goes the
walls.
3. There are times we
don’t allow connection because we are obsessed with the need for peace,
we are conflict-avoidant. We don’t let anything real come to the surface
because that would threaten the peace and destabilize. People can only
live half-lives around us because we won’t tolerate the fullness of
human expression.
4. Of course there are
those times we fear being hurt and vulnerable. Perhaps it is because we
have been hurt before and the pain seems unbearable so we don’t want to
risk being hurt again.
5. And then there is
our busyness. It might look like we have intimate connections in our
lives. There are lots of people around us, full schedule of events and
activities but when you sit back and really reflect
How to stay on the spiritual path? Assess why
we are keeping people away. What is at the deep root of the barriers?
Maybe this is a good time to stop running away from God and to ask God
to come into your heart, to connect with the divine. A little bit of
interior work is required here but then it is really important to
engage, to turn to the community. Ask yourself, how is God working
through the person sitting next to me? How can I be what God needs me to
be for that person or the person I meet in the narthex or anyone I meet
during the week? How can I be what God needs me to be for the people of
Haiti right now?
Woven into the very core of who we are, our
deepest yearning is for intimacy and connection. There is no shame in
this and there is no sense fighting it, we are physically hard-wired to
connect with other people, meaningfully. This yearning is what turns us
to God and to each other. To fight this is to fight our very nature. As
the Irish proverb says: It is in the
shelter of each other that people live.
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