Last Sunday after Epiphany
This is the last of our sermon series, the Ups and Downs of
the Spiritual Journey and today we are exploring the role of the family
in our spiritual journeys, which seems appropriate since it is Family
Day weekend and Valentines Day.
I better begin by saying I have no idea what ‘normal’ family looks
like so I use the term, broadly. Families are those places where
individuals find mutual support, affection, love and a place of
safe-haven. For example, in my own family I would say we are fairly
conventional and yet, I was brought up by a single mother who was
widowed early in her marriage. She later remarried and so now we have a
step-family. All three of my mother’s grandchildren are adopted from a
non-European culture.
Think about your own family and your extended families and how they
are structured. As with most everything else in the created order, God
seems to enjoy diversity.
Regardless of the diversity, all our families are significant to our
spiritual journeys. We get our first impression of God through the
relationship we have with our parents. We learn about love and
forgiveness, shame, affection and hope and intimacy. For better or
worse, our ability to connect with God and others and our ability to
spiritual grow, have their roots in our experiences within the family.
Families are places where God’s love is reflected but as with every
reflection there is distortion and so when I say, "…Families, can’t live
with them, can’t live without them…" I am sure you know what I mean. And
in fact, sometimes the distortion can be so severe families are places
of great harm and pain.
The scriptures certainly tell of this mixed reality. The fifth and
seventh commandment states an ideal, ‘Honour your mother and father.’
And ‘Do not commit adultery." Exodus 20:12 But then we heard in
today’s reading, families can fall short. "If my father and mother
forsake me, the Lord will
take me up." Psalm 27:10
And there are many examples in the scriptures of them falling short:
Cain killed his brother Abel; Joseph’s brothers threw him down a well
and then sold him as a slave. David killed his lover’s husband so he
could marry her. And you don’t want to know what went on between David’s
children. Jesus spoke of the family with respect and repeated the
commandment to "honour your mother and father" and yet when he was told
his mother and brothers wanted to speak with him he said, "Here are my
mother and my brothers. For whoever does the will of my Father in heaven
is my brother and sister and mother."
Matthew 12:48 He even recognized that to follow him might bring
division within the family, "They will be divided, father against son
and son against father, mother against daughter and daughter against
mother…" Luke 12:53
You might want to reflect on this some time. To what degree does the
experience you had in your family – good and bad - affect, influence or
even limit your experience with God. Is God stern or loving? Aloof,
distance or close and personal? Can you trust God, can God be relied
upon? Is God exacting and judgemental or permissive and understanding?
It doesn’t mean that the spiritual journey has to stay here but it
likely is where the journey begins.
Human families will most likely fall short of the great and full love
God intends for us and so a ditch we can sometimes fall into is to
expect this Divine perfection here on earth. Another related ditch we
sometimes get stuck in is believing the distorted messages we get of
ourselves from our families. Families don’t always tell the truth about
us. It is only with God that we can ever hope to know truth.
Another ditch that we get from the family is what I call the
unworthiness trap. There is a particular cultural dynamic that puts a
lot of societal pressure on families to have children that are
productive and perform. In order to live comfortably in our culture,
children have to go to school and get good marks be productive in a job
and making things happen. It is so ingrained, it is just assumed, we
don’t even think about it. The spiritual off-shot however, is that many
people do not feel that they can be loved unless they are useful and
contributing and productive. It used to be that people felt they could
not get close to God because of their sinfulness but that might be
shifting. Instead the big spiritual barrier to a deeper relationship
with God is a sense of unworthiness due to not having it all together
yet. That they could not possibly be loveable because they haven’t
worked hard enough.
The reality is, it is great to have a good prayer life, have your
life organized well, to reach out and serve others but these practices
come in response to God’s love they don’t get us any more of God’s love.
We don’t have to do anything to earn God’s love. You can’t earn God’s
love by any means. It is free and overflowing, abundant.
And so here is a little prayer practice for you. Find 5 to 10 minutes
of quiet. Breathe 5 deep breaths. Give thanks and praise to God and then
where we would say our petitions, just stop and in your imagination push
back the space before you and just allow God’s love to pour into you. We
don’t earn God’s love, we don’t necessarily deserve it but we aren’t
going to grow spiritually until we receive it …just as we are. So check
those societal assumptions that we incorporate in our families about our
worth. This is one area of significant distortion. Believe it or not.
You are loved, fully, completely, unconditionally!
Our families are wonderful gifts to us but make no mistake, they are
not perfect and will likely fall short. Jesus called God Abba, Daddy and
showed us that even when our earthly families disappoint, our heavenly
parent loves us intimately and deeply and abundantly and for no other
reason than because we are here.
And for that I say, thanks be to God!
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