4th Sunday of Easter - New Beginnings Sermon
Series
Can we make things new with our parents?
"The Father and I are one." John
10:22-30
Now there is a parent-child relationship to
strive for! The father and Son, or the Parent and the Child of the
Trinity; each one is perfectly distinct, separate and fulfilled and yet
in perfect unity and harmony. That sounds like a lot of our parents or
children relationships?! Perfect individuality, perfect harmony? Maybe…
maybe not.
As new parents you yearn, hope and strive for
that unity between you and the child and at the same time you pray that
this new life will bud and grow into the fullness God has intended. I
don’t want to burst your bubble, but it is not always easy.
That is why today we are contemplating; ‘Can
there be a new beginning in the relationship with our parents?’
Let me start by saying that for some, at least
for now, this may seem like a none issue, everything between mom and
daughter, daughter and father, father and son, son and mom, is great.
However, for many especially those weary souls squeezed in the middle of
the sandwich generation and forced to provide more and more care and
responsibility for their parents, they would plead I don’t want the new
beginning of a relationship, I want the old one! And for other dear
souls, the relationship has been so severely marred due to abuse,
neglect and mental illness there is almost despair that there could ever
be a new beginning; little or no hope that there could ever be
fulfilment and restoration.
As I reflect on it, I wonder if the
parent-child relationship is ever truly constant and static. Stability
may be there for certain periods or a phase of our lives but, more times
than not, sameness is an illusion. Change and new beginnings is really
the norm. The very nature of the relationship dictates this as it is all
about forming, nurturing and caring, growing and developing and not for
a short or particular periods like with teachers or colleagues, but for
life.
Sometimes individuals get stuck in one phase
and yearn for those good ole days. As a parent of a small child I am
noticing how each day my relationship with Yohanna is changing. I am
only beginning to imagine what it will be like to go through the teenage
years… career years… and then although I don’t like thinking about it,
the changes that will come as David and I age in our very senior years.
So change in this relationship is the constant.
Another important dynamic of the parent-child
relationship is that our first experience of God comes through our
relationship with our mothers and fathers. It is through our mothers and
then fathers that we learn of power that is greater than oursevles,
nurturing, love, trust, ..
I don’t know about you but being someone’s
first experience of God seems like a bit of a set-up to me. And that may
be what is at the heart of the struggles of the relationship. Who can
possible live up to that primary experience? Which one of us, as
parents, is all powerful, all loving, all truth, all discerning, all
self-giving, all the time! It is not possible. We are mere mortals with
many conflicting needs and limitations, personalities, histories and so
this relationship – the parent and child - is bound to have its
challenges and bumps along the way.
I think that is why there is a whole
commandment dedicated to children and their relationship to their
parents. Have you ever noticed this? There isn’t a commandment that says
"Parent, thou shall love your children." You do not have to say this.
Barring severe situations of distortion and illness, you do not have to
tell parents to love their children. They fall deeply and continually in
love with these little bundles of responsibility. But for the children,
the recipients of this love? There is a whole commandment dedicated to
them! They have to be deliberately told to respect, honour and value
their parents.
So if you expect perfection from your parents,
my advice to you is you better not become a parent. Parents are just
human. They are not God and by their very nature they will disappoint
us. We better learn to grow up and deal with that one.
The hardest thing I see now is the struggle so
many of you have as you struggle with the changes that are happening
between a parent and a child as the parent ages and requires more care.
More than ever it seems the commandment "Honour your Mother and Father."
rings in the ears and floods the relationship with guilt, while both
parent and child struggle to discern the best course forward.
Sorry but I do not have an easy answer for
this, (I don’t think there is one.) nor am I going to set you up with
some story of heroic sacrifices as an example of how to manage it. It
seems to me that just about every decision in this journey involves
heroic sacrifices. Like with all parenting and caregiving situation you
make the best decisions based on the resources available to you.
For those relationships that have been severely
marred through abuse and neglect, can there be a new positive and
fulfilling beginning. Perhaps, but for me that is where I am glad I
believe in an afterlife. There are some relationships that will require
greater time for resolution and a ton more love, understanding, truth,
justice and reconciliation than what we have right now. I guess I admit
that there are some parent child-relationships that may not be made new
in this lifetime.
For the rest of us, 1. take some of the
pressure off our parents to be perfect. Sadly, they are mere mortals
just like you and me. 2. accept and embrace the fact that the
relationship is constantly changing and we will fulfil many different
roles over time. 3. Remind yourself , we truly do have a parent who is
always there for us, will never forsake us, who abundantly
unconditionally loves us, who is there as we need, when we need, God.
Finally, as with our earthly relationship with
our parents, the love seems to flows more easily out to the child than
back from the child. It is the same with our relationship with God. It
requires that same kind of deliberate effort of time, intentionality,
love and respect.
I don’t know about you but it gives me some
comfort to know that within the Godhead there is a parent-child
relationship and it is one of being known, loved and cherished and
ultimately of being made new. Thanks be to God.
|